While I tried my best to keep the colors consistent across all the shots in a scene, inevitably there were subtle aberrations from shot to shot once stringed together. I hopped over to Premiere with the final renders of all my shots and to color-correct, adjust levels, as well as add a slight vignette and grain all in an effort to achieve a more cinematic look.  

Before launching this project, a part of me considered whether I should make something more commercial for my thesis in order to make myself more marketable post-grad. 

But then I thought: when am I ever going to have the time and resources to tell a story I actually want, free of the demands and expectations of clients? Also, this idea of feeling like a child stuck in a grownup's body, particularly in the context of a complicated family dynamic, has been something so prevalent in my personal projects and creative exercises, I felt I owed it myself to get it out of my system.
And I'm so glad I did. 
The process of making this film was, of course, challenging, but it was also entirely cathartic. There is something liberating about translating your personal story into a visual narrative. The experience is abstracted enough that you get to keep a distance of anonymity, and yet the act of storytelling is literal enough that you get a release of sharing your pain.

The screening of everyone's thesis film from my program took place on the night of May 11,th 2023 at the SVA theater. I wore a blue tweed mini-dress, which I worried look too "presidential" (too Jackie Kennedy-esque). Everyone got to say a blurb before presenting their film - I rehearsed mine fifty times in front of the mirror with the same intonation and the same jokes, until I could say the 200 words even on autopilot.
My church small group showed up unannounced. Friends who saw my Instagram post promoting the event showed up. Not just my parents, but friends abroad tuned in via livestream. I was blown away by the sheer magnitude of the support I got and felt that night. People didn't just stop at telling me "good job, Jee" but they shared with me their specific thoughts about the film. 
The highlight of the night came when a handful of my friends and I went to K-town after the screening. We went around saying our favorite moments in my film. What was particularly meaningful from that night was that as much as the film was about a complicated parent-child dynamic, the story naturally created a space for people to share their own complex relationships with their parents. 

Me making everyone say their favorite moment in the film

It was indeed an entirely self-indulgent night. Yes, I loved the attention I got. Yes, I loved the positive feedback. But most importantly, that night, my story was not only seen, but it also made other people feel seen.
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